Bowling: the recipe for a sex-less date

At first glance, one might consider bowling a viable date option. It's an activity that's bound to engage: a defined task coupled with music, drinks, and playful banter. Plus, who doesn't like to bowl? Certainly it makes for a great group activity. And if one were to propose a bowling date, you might think, "well, I always have fun when I go with my friends. It could be fun!" But if you even begin to think the casual competitive flirting will ultimately lead to a rousing night in the sack...

...STOP.

Here's the deal, folks: bowling is a terrible date. And I'm not just referring to that dreaded first date, where a distraction is often craved. Even after you've established an interest, and have succeeded at acquiring a second or third date, I'd be cautious. Let me break it down for you here:

Firstly, the nature of the activity conflicts with any sort of consistent conversation. With only two participants, no consistent dialogue can be maintained. At any given moment, one of those two participants is up to bowl. Short of the occasional comment about your date's tight little apple-behind as he/she bends over, conversation is deduced to the passing moment as the players change. I'm sorry, but I can only make so many ass-comments before it get's excessive.

Additionally, while your partner plays, what are you left to do, twiddle your thumbs? Sure you've got that drink in front of you, but getting too drunk will only hinder your bowling ability (more on that later). Without a group of friends to engage you while you wait for your next turn, you're left to just...well, wait. This date is getting awfully interesting, isn't it?

Not to mention the fact that for whatever reason, even generally non-competitive people are all of a sudden SUPER competitive about bowling. What is it in us that makes us so driven to succeed at rolling a weighted ball against a bunch of white pins? Perhaps it's the phallic nature of the game itself - what with all the balls and lanes and bent asses. Could that explain why our egos are so prone to bruising in the event that our date-turned-opponent hands it to us?Especially since the skill level with your average player wildly inconsistent.

And then, what happens when your date is terrible? Despite admitting that an individual's bowling prowess is in no way correlated to their other skills, there's no denying that we are, as a society, horribly judgmental when bowling. If he/she is bad at bowling, what is that a reflection of? lack of strength? poor hand-eye coordination? worse still...sexual incompetency? Then of course if you lose, well you've just set yourself up for a night full of heckling. And that's just no fun.

So when the evening winds down, and the opportunity to copulate presents itself...is anyone still in the mood? In short, if you're still getting to know someone, DON'T GO BOWLING ON A DATE. Leave if for you and your group of friends...

...or for those long-standing relationships where there's nothing left to talk about.