Things that have been said, but should never be said, on a 1st date

Medley: He's pretty cute (referencing someone else, usually the waiter).

Pterodactyl: *speaks in Thai to the waitress* then, "She's cute, no?"

Medley: I'm on a diet (Okay, well i'm just going to go ahead and order this juicy burger and that slice of moist chocolate cake. you can watch me eat it).

Pterodactyl: I just want to cuddle!!! (while jumping on top of someone).

Medley: You're so fucking hot (is there no other way to say this?).

Pterodactyl: I just love your brain. I could pick it all day. (You can't have it. It's mine).

Medley: I hope i get to kiss you later (if you're saying it, you probably won't).

And for the win...

Pterodactyl: Can we use a strap-on together? (said over gchat, before we had actually ever met.).